mardi 22 janvier 2008

Francis le traîne-savate

Dans mon bahut j'ai un ouinner parmi mes collègues qui surpasse parfois le pire de mes Kévin accouplé avec Bastien des 3ème Abrutis.Cette exception c'est Francis, un quadra prof de techno.
D'avance pardon à Charly pour ce qui va suivre, représentant incontournable des profs de techno.

Francis est le boulet de la salle des profs. Personne lui parle, mais ça ne l'empêche pas pour autant d'en placer une. Souvent il se prend des tornades, à ce niveau là ce ne sont plus des vents. Au début de l'année dernière, j'avais un peu mal au coeur pour le bonhomme mais ce stade est dépassé tu penses, maintenant j'en suis réduite à trouver des stratégies pour l'éviter.

Avant de t'en parler tu dois savoir pourquoi Francis se mange des mistrals quotidiennement.

  • Il ne sait pas marcher sans faire de bruit. Tu l'entends arriver depuis le couloir à sa manière distinguée de traînasser les pieds. C'est tellement oppressant que tu as envie de lui faire bouffer ses talonnettes! Parce que oui détail essentiel, Francis est petit, plus petit que moi (ce qui me redonne le moral je te l'avoue).

  • Francis adore se mettre derrière moi -attends que je finisse ma phrase sale pervers- surtout quand je suis sur l'ordinateur de la salle des profs, en train de matter des blogs ou lorsque je tape frénétiquement des mails. J'ai beau essayé de lui faire comprendre par un regard "c'est bon ohé tu te crois où malautru?" mais il a du mal Francis, ça lui arrive même de lire à voix haute ce que je tape...oui c'est hallucinant ce concentré de sans-gène en un seul homme.

  • Francis ne sait pas manger proprement, mais surtout il a le neurone "repas" qui clignote comme un taré quand sonne l'heure de la ripaille. Il ne sait pas manger un aliment à la fois. Je sais bien que les mélanges c'est génial. Mais tout fourrer dans sa bouche, le pain+ le plat principal+ la sauce+ un coup de rouge tu crois que c'est supportable visuellement pour le voisin de table? Non. Surtout que je suis trop souvent celle qui se tape cette vision affreuse. J'ai beau feinter pour ne pas être en face de lui, y'a toujours un voisin adorable qui se barre quand Francis débarque, et qui va s'en prendre plein les mirettes ce midi? bah c'est bibi. Du coup j'essaie de manger sans regarder en face de moi, alors les yeux dans l'assiette, sur le côté...mais quand les bruits ne sont pas en option c'est insoutenable.

  • Francis se greffe très souvent dans une conversation à laquelle il n'est pas convié. Il arrive par derrière, oui encore, et te fixe avec ses yeux globuleux de fouine pendant que tu racontes ta blague ou ta dernière connerie faite en cours. Du coup tu es perturbé et ta blague tombe à l'eau (bordel combien de fois il m'a bousillé mes chutes). Encore si ce n'était que de la présence, on pourrait l'ignorer, mais non, Francis en profite pour te couper la parole et placer sa connerie qui ne fait glousser que lui.

Tu vois tous les défauts de fabrication du phénomène? et encore j'ai du en oublier.

Quand le mardi j'ai + de 2h de trou après le repas et que je veux être peinarde, j'évite à tout prix la salle des profs car au même moment Francis rôde. En général je squatte la vie scolaire, mon refuge. Je repère sa sacoche années 80 et si j'entends le moindre bruit de traîne-savate je fuis telle une marmotte traquée en plein été (oui je suis la réincarnation de cet animal sache le). Pour la cantine je dois trouver d'autres feintes car trop souvent je suis la victime de ses machouillâges bruitâges dégueulasses.

Bordel aujourd'hui on est mardi...prie pour moi.

32 commentaires:

Unknown a dit…

Ouai je penserai à toi quand je déjeunerai peinard à la cantoche ce midi !
En espérant que je ne vais pas m'étouffer avec ma bouffe car franchement le passage sur sa façon de manger m'a fait mourir de rire !!!

Anonyme a dit…

Manquerai plus qu'il soit noir !

Les 3/4...euh non, 90%... de mes profs de technos etaient dérangés dans leurs têtes... bon faut dire, les profs d'arts plastiques aussi, hein, dans l'genre :) je m'en souviens d'un (de tes congénêres), précisément, qui portait de ces pantalons bariolés Jaune et violet... crâne rasé et petit bouc taillé au millimetre... j'en ai encore froid dans l'dos ! BRRR

grégory a dit…

Francis c'est pas de la haute technologie mais il résiste à toutes les tempêtes apparemment. Au fait tu squattes "la vie scolaire" c'est quoi ? une sorte de CDI ?

Anonyme a dit…

ah, tiens.
j'ai le même dans ma promo...
tue-nerfs, cette affaire.

Anonyme a dit…

fabuleux. "il se prend des tornades", pas mal ça. je n'avais pas de profs spécialement cintrés, ça pouvait aller. aujourd'hui je suis tranquillement chez moi, je pars même voir ma sœur et mon neveu cet après-midi, je n'aurai absolument aucune pensée pour toi.

Anonyme a dit…

Tu m'as fait mourir de rire! Il est bien dégoutant ce (vieux) garçon...
Les gens qui bouffent comme des cochons, ça c'est vraiment le truc... je ne peux pas

Anonyme a dit…

Tant qu'il ne te met pas la main aux fesses, tout va bien :p

Futile a dit…

Fressine: merci et contente de t'avoir fait rire! attention à l'étouffement.

Jordane: mon dieu quelle horreur cette description: wé on est un peu tous taré en art pla...

grégory: la vie scolaire c'est le bureau des surveillants, là où ya des djeunz :)

mélusine: je suis solidaire de tout coeur!

nonolerobot: ouep des vraies tornades! merci de ta sollicitude sincèrement.

Milla: hé bien il a du succès ce billet. moi aussi ça me rebutte ce truc.

Michaël: me parle pas d'horreur..

Futile a dit…
Ce commentaire a été supprimé par l'auteur.
Anonyme a dit…

on a la meme elle s'appelle marguerite c'est la prof de lettres... et des qu'elle rentre à la vie scolaire nous on se planque !!

Futile a dit…

titeblonde: mais faut présenter Marguerite à Francis! elle est quadra?

Anonyme a dit…

jordan : c'est quoi ce "manquerai plus qu'il soit noir "! !!!!

Futile a dit…

profesvt:jcrois que c'était pour c'est du 15ème degré fin jcrois, jordan t'es où?

Anonyme a dit…

J'adore la description de Francis, vous pourriez faire un beau couple : la marmotte et le traîne-savate !

Niark, niark, je suis méchant ;-)

Bon, j'vais faire semblant de bosser un peu !

Futile a dit…

scrat: han l'horreur nooonnnn!!!
ah toi aussi tu fais semblant de bosser? bienvenu au club ;)

Anonyme a dit…

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